Trigger Warning: Chelsea Dying
Hello, the time has come for me to once again invade your mental space with my struggles, troubles, and death. If you don't have the space for it I will never be offended if you skip a blog post.
I'm not going to sugarcoat this, I've been really suffering lately. I took one of those turns for the worse I'd been so scared of. Every night I've been finding myself going to bed wishing I won't wake up the next morning which is just not a good space to be in.
I'm unbearably dizzy, tired, and my difficulty swallowing came back a few days ago. My right side weakness and numbness make it difficult to do the most menial tasks and the vision in my right eye is starting to go as well. I'm working with my doctors trying to find the balance of the right amount of steroids and medications to bring me as much comfort as possible, but there's only so much they can do and my quality of life is just not very good. I'm playing life on super hard mode and straight-up not having a good time.
Because of this I signed up for MAID and am starting the process of getting off Mr. Bone's Wild Ride.
The process is very bureaucratic and slowed down a lot due to the COVID-19 pandemic so it looks like my application will take 2-4 weeks or maybe more to process but they are trying to urgently help me. I have to pass two 60 minute assessments with two different doctors to make sure I'm of sound enough mind to make this decision. My first assessment is Monday the 24th and they haven't scheduled me for a second one yet. I'm hoping they are able to schedule something soon because I'm really scared about the progression of my condition and want this to be an option.
My advice to anyone reading this in a similar situation to me would be to sign up for MAID long before you think you'll need it, or even if you never intend to use it.
If I had it my way I'd pick a cool death day like 02/02/2022 at 2:22 pm but because of burocracy I'm probably not going to have things my way and things are going to take longer than that, which is unfortunate because I truly want off Mr. Bones Wild Ride. I'll try to keep my blog updated with how things are going with the process and the date I end up picking.
If it's any solace to my readers, I am experiencing great relief in knowing that I'll be in complete control of how I go. I'm planning on passing in my own home with Andy and my cats and I couldn't dream of a better way to go.
I can also back out at any time - it's not like I pick a date and then change my mind and they manhunt me and execute me anyway- but I'm feeling very confident and at peace with my decision especially after working through it during my ketamine treatment yesterday.
I imagine this post will come with a lot of people wanting to see me or schedule my time, and well, I just don't have that much time left to schedule. What I would love is for you to reach out and say goodbye over text or an email. I don't imagine a lot of people have an opportunity to say goodbye as I do here and I want to take advantage of it. Please don't be offended if I have to turn down invites to hang out in the coming weeks here, my time is limited.
Speaking of saying goodbye, I wanted to say thank you to everyone in my life who has been there to support me through this past year of struggles. I cannot express how grateful I am to everyone in my life. It's been a true blessing to get to spend time with friends and family and my life has been as fulfilled and amazing as possible. I'm really happy with the life I got to live which is part of the reason I'm so at peace with my decision to sign up with MAID.
Chelsea, I will never forget you. And I'm not sure I would have been able to say that if we'd just been co-workers for a while & then lost touch. Because of your tragic diagnosis and the fierce, funny & brutally honest way that you are facing death, I will never forget you. We will all die, many of us without the gift of knowing and feeling and hearing that we are loved. May you feel the love of so many people like me, today and every day for the rest of your life. May you know that you are fully loved by Jesus. Go ahead and ask & He will hold your hand & take you to paradise. Bon…
Chelsea this is a brave and wise decision. You were a positive force at school and I am confident that this was true after as well. I hope we will cross paths in the next life and I have always believed how we leave this life is important. How we live life and then face death says much about a person, you have done both with grace and courage. Andy my thoughts are with you at this difficult time as well. Michael Kevis
Chelsea, words are not coming easily after reading this, but I want to share a few thoughts. I’m very sorry for your pain and discomfort. I’m sorry you are forced to make such difficult decisions. I’m proud of the grace with which you are communicating with us. I’m so happy that you and Andy found each other in this life, and so sad that your shared time is far too short. I’m grateful that you have been in the lives of those in my family. I will pray for you to have peace and much love from those who surround you in the coming days and weeks. And while I know that you have a lot of support, if we…
Sad, but happy you are at peace with your decision, I love you so much and also have our requests for our guardian angels to help you with your transition to the next chapter of our lives. You ARE a beautiful soul, I am and have been privileged to call you daughter and friend, love you forever and a day plus one!
Chelsea, that was certainly a difficult post to read, and I know, far more difficult to write. My wish for you is that all of the stars align and neither bureaucracy nor Covid interfere with your plan for dying.
I am so sorry there has to be a goodbye, but I am glad that you will have a say on when and how that will be. My heart goes out to you, your family and your friends. Their lives will forever be impacted buy your beauty and grace.
Goodbye Chelsea. Your spirit will live on and you most definitely won't be forgotten. I feel privileged to know you and to be related to you. I will miss you. I…