I think being strong doesn't necessarily mean that you don't have moments of weakness, and well, I guess this is one of those moments.
I've been trying to keep things pretty light-hearted and optimistic so this might be a different tone than you're used to hearing from me but I think it's important to talk about both the highs and the lows! This treatment is really difficult. On Tuesday, May 19th I'll be halfway through the treatment but it just keeps getting harder. Each radiation session makes my symptoms worse, and yesterday they put me on more steroids because my balance got bad enough that I was literally stumbling around like Bambi.
I've been feeling sickly all the time - not like, super sick but enough to hinder my ability/ motivation to do things. I guess there's no other way to put it than I feel like I have cancer. I don't know, I guess I just needed to talk about how hard things have been. It feels good to let the world know!
I'm trying super hard to stay positive despite things getting worse because of the chemo and radiation, but that can be tough sometimes too. I just try to focus on the fact that things suck now but it's me beating up Chad. Also, thankfully I have the positivity and strength of everyone in my life to lean on when it's too much for me.
I'm incredibly grateful for all the support I've been getting during this time, from people making sure I eat by making me food or sending me Skip the Dishes gift cards, to daily messages, to little gifts, and I've gotten so many nice cards that put such a smile on my face! I can't wait for my treatment and Covid-19 to be over so I can have a big F U Chad celebration/ party to show my appreciation for everyone! One last interesting tidbit I learned from my doctor: Once the radiation is done it'll take a couple of months for the swelling to go down enough for my symptoms to go away and for me to return to whatever my "normal" is going to be, but what was interesting was they said if it's a low-grade tumour (what we're hoping for), then it will take me "much longer" to recover. So I guess fingers crossed everyone for a slow recovery!
Hugs.
lots of love chels, thinking bout u
It's a hard fight, but we will be with you through thick and thin to help you through it. Wishing you strength going forwards and beyond.
My dear, you are amazing! You know we got you in whatever way you need it at any time of day or night! I love you and thanks for the update, you are after all human and while being strong is great, it is okay to lean on me or anyone when you need it. <3
I'm glad that it helps to share what you are going through and feeling Chelsea ox A lot of people love and care about you ox Hang in there and give yourself permission to be totally self centred on those darker days - rest up - do whatever you need to do for yourself to get through this!